who_is_she | this love ain't finished yet so baby whenever you're ready come and get it

this love ain't finished yet so baby whenever you're ready come and get it

Roddie was being weird.

Roddie acting strange was kind of par for the course at this point, but this was different. He was... quiet. Cagey. He hadn't been blasting his music or making terrible jokes for the whole day, while they went to pick up a shipment of something-or-other from a space station. He hadn't been able to give Tony a straight answer about what was in the shipment, nor had he been able to stay in the same room as Tony.

It was starting to wear on Tony, especially after Roddie had given him a list of supplies he'd needed from the shops on the space station, and Tony had spent hours searching through a handful of stores for things that turned out to be impossible to get--on a space station, at least. So Roddie was ignoring him and sent him off on a wild goose chase for no reason, and Tony couldn't figure out why.

He had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with how close they'd gotten recently. After the night when Roddie had almost kissed him Roddie had gone on like he didn't remember it; and now Tony suspected that he did remember and was working on slowly extracting himself from Tony, putting space between them so they wouldn't have another close call.

Tony sighed, letting himself back into the ship with a small bag of things he had been able to get, including a fresh box of tea bags that Tony was feeling optimistic about.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The minute he hears the ship's doors open, Roddie comes power-walking around the corner, a big, stupid smile on his face.

"Hey," he says, too loud.

"Hey," he repeats again, in a softer, voice, reeling himself back in, "sorry, hey. What'd you get?" He reaches for Tony's bag, peaking inside at the meager amount of supplies he'd managed to retrieve.

"Oh man, they actually had some of that bullshit? That's hilarious," he laughs, pulling a bottle of soda out of the bag with slightly shaky hands. He's too nervous and excited to keep up the act anymore. "I hope you're not too mad, sorry, I just needed you off the ship. I, uh, got you something, and, well, it's kind of big, so I needed some time to get it all set up and- well, I kind of had this idea in my head that I would show you tonight but you're back sooner than I thought you'd be so I-I didn't have time to work on my dramatic presentation."

Edited 2014-10-28 07:38 (UTC)

"Uh, hi," Tony says, startling when Roddie appears seemingly out of nowhere. He opens his mouth to answer Roddie's question but then the bag is yanked unceremoniously from his hands before he can. Tony frowns in confusion while Roddie babbles, trying and failing to follow Roddie's meandering explanation.

"You-- What?" Tony said, baffled and confused, "Dramatic presentation? What are you talking about?"

"Here," Roddie says, setting the bag back on the table and taking a gulp of his drink before grabbing Tony by his upper arm and leading him down the hallway to his room, "just come with me, I'll show you."

When they get to the door he pauses and takes a deep breath.

"Okay, so, I know you have missed doing your music stuff ever since we left earth, and it's kind of been eating at me. So I pulled a few strings, and that Thurgon guy - you know, the one we did that job for who owned that really cool pawn shop? - Well, I saw this in his shop when I was looking around and I made a deal with him and he threw it in as part of the payment for the job, but I couldn't bring it on board without you seeing it, so I had him ship it to us to give me time to set it up to surprise you and- well, maybe I'd better just show you, huh?"

He slides the door open. Against the left wall of the cramped room is a compact piano. Roddie looks at Tony, smiling and biting his lip, waiting for his reaction.

"It's, uh, it's in pretty good shape still, I think. I mean, I'm no piano expert, but all the keys work and everything. It's probably not as nice as you're used to playing on, but it's something, right?"

Roddie takes him by the arm and Tony goes along with him, his confusion rapidly turning into alarm as he realizes that Roddie's nervous.

He follows along with this explanation better than the last, but it's still scattered and he still has no idea what to expect when the door of his room opens.

Tony gapes, and it takes him a long moment to realize that he really is seeing a piano in his room. His wide eyes turn from the piano to Roddie, who is still blabbering on about the state of the piano.

"You--you got this for me?" Tony asks, his voice quiet and stunned still.

Roddie nods, realizing he's been talking a mile a minute. He slows himself down.

"Yeah," he says. He gently nudges Tony towards it, taking him to take a seat on the piano bench. He sits down beside him and puts his hands in his lap.

"So. Uh. What do you think?" He asks finally, biting his lip.

Tony follows him into the room, still stunned, and sits down at the piano, staring at it without seeing it. He idly strokes a finger over the keys without pressing any of them, and then turns his head to look at Roddie.

In the past few months, Tony's room had gone from almost medically sterile to actually kind of-- homey. It was mostly small gifts from Roddie, cheap little figurines and trinkets that wouldn't have any significance to anyone but Tony, but there was more too. Vera had printed out some articles she thought he would like to read; they were still sitting on his desk. Boscha had left a dumbbell in the corner of his room that Tony--embarrassingly enough--hadn't been able to move yet. Even he and Zakeef had been trading cultural histories from their respective planets, and one of the books was sitting half-read on the table next to his bed.

This wasn't just a place he lived--somehow, it had become his home.

"Thank you," Tony said, realizing he'd been staring at Roddie without saying anything for too long, and his voice shook a little when he spoke. He cleared his throat and smiled a little, looking down at the keys, "Let's see, shall we?" He takes a deep breath, sitting up straight and letting his hands float into place on the keys with his long fingers arched. After a moment he starts to play, a light, lilting tune that echos how he's feeling.

The piano needs tuning but it could be worse, and Tony's just glad to be playing again.

Roddie listens for a while to him playing and smiles, pulling his knees up onto the bench and resting his head on them. He would have been content to sit there for a long time, listening to him play, had he not had other things on his mind, thoughts he had been wanting to act on for what seemed like forever.

He reaches over and rests his hand on Tony's knee.

"Tony," says, his voice soft. He leans forward, bringing his face about a foot from Tony's and clearing his throat. He had planned to say more, but instead he found his eyes fixated on Tony's mouth. The words weren't coming. He curses slightly under his breath. "Shit. Tony-"

The melody Tony's playing shifts a little, turns a bit more somber and more romantic, only for him to stop suddenly when Roddie puts his hand on his knee. The sound fades and Tony looks over Roddie, his breath catching in his throat when he realizes how close Roddie is.

Roddie's voice sends a shiver down Tony's spine and he freezes, remembering the moment weeks ago when Roddie had done this before. The look in Roddie's eyes this time, however, is clear and intent, and he's looking at Tony's mouth.

"R-Roddie," Tony says, thinks he means to say more but suddenly his heartbeat is thundering in his ears and he can't focus on anything outside of the feel of Roddie's hand on his leg, and the heat of Roddie's body next to his.

Roddie wets his lips as he scoots closer, bringing his other hand up to tuck a single strand of out of place hair behind Tony's ear before resting his hand on the back of his neck. He pulls him closer.

Their foreheads touch, then their noses, then their lips. He kisses him, mouth closed at first, blatantly restraining immediately himself from kissing him as deep as he wants to. The contact makes him shiver, and he brings the hand on Tony's knee up the side of his leg, resting it on his waist.

The piano makes a discordant noise as Tony's hands jerk against the keys and move away into his lap. Tony whimpers into Roddie's mouth, his ears burning at the sound that's too loud in the now quiet room. The build up of months of desire and denial fall away like a dam breaking, flooding Tony with more emotion that he knows what to do with.

His hands come up to slide into Roddie's hair and hold him close while his mouth opens beneath Roddie's, letting the tip of his tongue brush against Roddie's bottom lip.

Tony's enthusiasm eases his nerves, and he encourages him by opening his mouth further, eagerly shoving his own tongue against Tony's. He fails to suppress a smile growing on the edge of his lips as he kisses him, but the swelling feeling in his chest becomes too much.

After a few moments he breaks apart momentarily to catch his breath, still grinning broadly. He runs his thumb across Tony's cheek.

"I've been dying to do that for- I don't even know how long," he says breathlessly, before closing his eyes and leaning in for more.

When Roddie pulls back Tony is panting, and the moment of rest gives Tony enough time to think about what's happening. At Roddie's words the flood of emotion starts to turn to anxiety, because Roddie wanting him back never figured into any of this.

"You--You have?" Tony says, pulling back when Roddie leans back in. He plants one hand on Roddie's chest, holding him back, because the desire has turned sour in the pit of his stomach and Tony needs a moment to breath.

Roddie was never supposed to want him back and there was never supposed to be a possibility where this was something Tony could have. It didn't fit with everything that had always been expected of him. There was no scenario of his future where there was a place for a dashing cyborg space pirate, and he could hear his mother's voice in his head, what she would think if she saw him like this, what she would say if she knew how badly he wanted Roddie. And he wanted him--wanted all of him, wanted to kiss him again and hold him close and feel his hot breath against his skin and never have to leave his side.

But if there was one thing Tony knew, it was that he didn't deserve the things that he wanted.

Roddie frowns, pulling away from him slightly and removing his hands from his waist, resting one on his knee and the other on the hand on his chest. Briefly studying Tony's expression, he can see that something is distressing him. He feels his heart drop into his stomach.

"Yeah," he says, speaking gently, "I have. Is...there something wrong? Do you not...I mean, I kind of thought...we were on the same page here."

"No, I... I--" Tony tried to speak, tried to explain how he felt, but the anxiety clawed up his chest and the words caught in his throat. He looks down at where Roddie's touching him, and he feels a wave of nausea as something else occurs to him. Roddie had been kissing him so enthusiastically, but what if... What did on the same page mean anyways? Roddie was always running off with one conquest or another, and what if that was what Roddie meant, that he'd been thinking about spending the night with him?

There was too much doubt, too much anxiety coursing through his body, and then Tony glanced away. He glanced away from Roddie and his gaze fell on the photo, sitting on his desk and mocking him from across the room and his face contorted in sudden pain.

"I can't... I cant," Tony said, his voice breaking as he jerked away from Roddie's hands. He fumbled his way off the bench and nearly fell on his ass, but stumbled upright and backed across the room until his back was to the wall.

"I can't do this Roddie, I'm sorry, I can't," Tony said, his voice frantic as he shook his head wildly.

"Oh."

For a few moments, that's all Roddie can manage to say. He's so profoundly upset that words don't come to him for a few moments, and all he can do is press his tongue against the inside of his cheek and stare at his hands. After a bit he stands up, approaching Tony cautiously, but still allowing him plenty of space. When he speaks, he speaks slowly, carefully choosing each word.

"It's...it's okay, don't worry. Can you...tell me why?"

Tony covers his face with his hands, still shaking his head and he bows over halfway, trying to breath. He feels stupid and childish, having a tantrum because he isn't allowed a toy, and he wipes at his eyes and tells himself to knock it off.

"I can't," he repeats, "I'm not..." allowed, he almost says, but stops himself and then chooses his next words carefully, "It's not... something I can do," he says, as evenly as he can manage, but his voice is still shaking, "It's not me."

Ouch. Roddie searches his face, trying to understand but drawing a complete blank.

"I don't...I don't think I understand," he says finally, feeling a tingling sensation in his nose that he knew meant tears were coming. He does his best to keep a stiff upper lip and fight them back.

"I mean. Did I say something wrong? Did I do something? Help me out, here."

Tony shakes his head again, helplessly, pushing both hands back through his hair. He slides to the floor, his hands on the back of his head as he rests his forehead on his knees.

"I can't," he says again, because that's what's repeating in his head over and over; I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't. But he knows Roddie deserves better, because for some unbelievable reason he cares about Tony.

"I just... I can't do it. They wouldn't..." he pauses, he hadn't wanted to say that, but the words are out there so he finishes his thought, "They wouldn't allow it."

Roddie slowly eases himself onto the floor across from him when Tony slides to sit against the wall. He understands, now, or at least he thinks he does.

"Your parents," he says flatly, though his stomach is still churning. "You can't because your parents want to set you up with - oh, what's his name, that guy you're barely even friends with. Even though that's not what you want." He puts his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. The ache in his chest is enough to drive him to finally voice something he hasn't been bold enough to say.

"Why do you care so much about what they want when they obviously don't give a shit about what you want?"

Tony's head snaps up at Roddie's question, frowning at him. The doubt that's been festering inside him about his relationship with his parents-- that's exactly it. He's not sure if his parents care, and right now he's too deathly afraid to feel anything but guilty about his doubts. A good son doesn't question his parents.

"You don't-- You don't understand. You don't know them. They just want the best for me," Tony said quietly, looking down at his knees.

Roddie can feel exhasperation bubbling up inside of him. It's not directed at Tony, exactly, but at the words he's saying; words he's obviously been force-fed by someone else and is now regurgitating. He always says things like this as though he's been practicing saying them to himself in the mirror.

"Do they, though?" Roddie presses him, growing bolder, "Because it seems to me like what they want is for you to fulfill a list of requirements that make THEM look good, your wants and needs be damned, and you...you just deserve better than that, that's all."

Tony feels indignation rising up at Roddie's insistence, like Roddie can just waltz into his life and destroy everything he's ever known. Tony's expression hardens and he drums up his anger, because he knows who he should be and Roddie can't ever understand that.

"Don't--" Tony starts, his voice shaking with anger rather than panic this time, "Don't act like you know me. You don't know anything about me." Tony stood, staring down at Roddie with cold eyes, "You don't even know what it's like, having parents who expect something of you."

Roddie's mouth drops open in disbelief. A few moments of numbness preceed the overwhelming swell of anger and pain that comes crashing over him.

"You-" he stutters, and he can feel the tears he had successfully been holding back come welling up in his eyes. He stands up and backs away from him, "You fucking asshole, are you fucking serious?" His voice is broken and shaky, but he tries to keep his expression angry instead of hurt.

"You know what, nevermind, you're right," he says, wiping his eyes and collecting himself. Clenching his fists, he turns to leave, "I don't know anything about you. See you at takeoff."

Tony's anger crumbles a little in the face of Roddie's tears, his conviction shaken because he hadn't ever expected this to matter to Roddie. Having someone take his words to heart, get hurt when he acts the way he'd always been shown to act, is unexpected and alarming.

Tony wants to reach out, wants to say something, but he's still paralyzed by fear and just stands there. By the time he finds his voice and manages to call out Roddie's name, he's gone.

He collapses down onto the bench of the piano and cries.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

this love ain't finished yet so baby whenever you're ready come and get it

when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana

Re: when youre ready come and get it nanana