who_is_she | (no subject)

(no subject)

"Yeah, good! That's great, Gavin!" Conner cheers suddenly, when Gavin successfully activates his powers and then releases them. It's been several months since Gavin was rescued, and in that time Conner has been training with Gavin to build his physical strength and build his control over his powers. He's made so much progress that even the most sceptical of his crewmates have stopped wondering when he's going to explode and started wondering when he's going to join the team.

Conner holds up his hand for a high five, then ducks in close to give Gavin a quick hug, ruffling his longer hair.

"Pretty soon I'm not gonna have anything more to teach you," Conner says, grinning wide and leaving his arm around Gavin's shoulder when he pulls back, "And your muscles are looking good too," He says, reaching over to poke Gavin's abdomen.

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Gavin laughs, flushing a little at Conner's remark and at the way he prods his stomach.

"Nah, I'm sure you'll think of more things to show me," he says, catching his breath. The last few months, though far from perfect, had easily been the best of his life, and his visits with a psychiatrist and his training sessions with Conner had done a lot to improve his physical and mental state. They'd trained hard today, and he was starting to sweat. He pulls the tank top he had on off and over his head, very conscious of Conner's eyes on him as he does.

He'd been thinking about Conner a lot lately, the way he watched him when they were training together, and the comments he made about his body. At first, he'd taken them as compliments, but coupled with the way Conner was always so touchy with him, Gavin had started to wonder if Conner might want something physical with him. He knows Conner was too considerate, and would never try to initiate something like that with him, given the state he'd been in a few months ago, but Gavin had been thinking about approaching him about it. He figured they could both do with blowing off some steam, and he'd been stealing glances at Conner every time they trained together for weeks now.

Conner laughs, shaking his head, and opens his mouth to respond but immediately loses track of what he was going to say when Gavin pulls off his shirt. His eyes follow the line of his body, from his collarbones down over his sports bra and the flat, slightly toned span of his stomach. When his eyes reach the top of Gavin's sweatpants Conner jerks his eyes away, immediately guilty that he'd been, well, ogling.

Gavin was attractive, that much Conner had realized, but that realization had been almost secondary to the realization that his feelings ran much deeper than the physical. Conner felt extremely lucky that Gavin appeared to have forgiven him, even consented to being his friend, but any more than that Conner couldn't ask for. He didn't deserve it.

"I think that's it for today," he says, extracting himself from Gavin and turning away, bending down to pick up his exercise bag, "You hungry? 'Cause I'm starving," he said, smiling again, but unable to look Gavin in the eye.

Gavin bites his lip as Conner's eyes rove over him, and he works to suppress a slight smile.

"Actually, yeah, I was just thinking that," he says, pulling on his ear somewhat nervously. He'd had one or two sexual encounters with the other kids at the facility, when he'd been a teenager, but they'd been brief, and he didn't really know how to do this.

"You have sandwich stuff in that fridge in your room?" he asks, toweling the sweat off his face with his shirt and adjusting his bra, "We could eat that."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Conner says, his eyebrows going up a little in surprise that Gavin would prefer Conner's meager mini-fridge to one of the restaurants on the space station they're staying on. Conner keeps his eyes to himself while they walk back to his room, reminding himself all the way that it wasn't his place.

"Did you want to use my shower?" Conner asks while he lets Gavin into his room, mostly because it's getting increasingly difficult to keep his eyes off of Gavin, and at least he wouldn't feel guilty about looking at Gavin if he wasn't wearing just a bra.

Gavin's heart skips a beat at the question, and he swallows, nodding his head. He kicks off his boots and sets them by the door.

"Yeah," he says, "Yeah, that would be, um. Great." He makes half an effort to fold his shirt, setting it on Conner's bed. He hesitates for a moment, his face flushed, now, both for nerves and for excitement, and, mustering up some courage, decides to make a bold move. With Conner standing behind him, he removes his top and drops it to the floor, followed quickly by the pair of sweatpants he had on and his underwear. He shoots Conner an uncertain glance over his shoulder, but can't bring himself to look at him further.

"I'll...be out in a minute," he says quietly, before walking past him into the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

Conner flushes crimson when Gavin takes off his clothes, his eyes following the curve of his ass almost involuntarily as it disappears behind his bathroom door. Conner sits down hard on the edge of his bed, his mind whirling and confused, and it's only then he realizes that his actions hadn't been quite as innocent as he'd intended.

The look Gavin shot him had definitely been invitational, and for a moment, Conner thinks about accepting. He thinks about stripping and following Gavin into the bathroom, thinks about kissing him and fucking him up against the wall of his shower. He wants to--he almost does--but then he remembers the broken face of a sixteen year old boy that Conner had left behind.

If Gavin just wants to have sex with him, Conner can't. Hell, even if Gavin wanted more than sex with him, Conner couldn't do it. There were people--plenty of people--who were more deserving of Gavin than Conner was, and he couldn't let himself be selfish. He'd been selfish more than enough for one lifetime.

The realization is devastating, that Conner can't reach out and take something he wants so desperately, something being offered so freely. He can't do that to Gavin. He won't, not when Gavin has already known pain. He won't add to that.

He puts his elbows on his knees and drops his head down between his shoulder blades, waiting for Gavin to emerge.

After a few minutes, Gavin gets his nerve up and emerges from the bathroom, squeezing the water out of his hair and wrapping a towel around his waist. He makes his way over to where Conner is sitting on the bed, and sits down beside him.

"I've...seen you looking at me," he says, fidgeting slightly, "And the way you...touch me, and I...I like it. I thought we could...mess around, you know. It might be fun."

Gavin's words hurt like a knife in his chest, and he tenses for a moment, collecting himself before he can answer.

"Gavin," he says, somehow summoning the courage to lift his head and look Gavin in the eye, "I'm... honored that you'd want me to... That you'd trust me with that, but if you want someone to fool around with you can do a lot better than me, you know?" he says, chuckling and running a hand through his hair, "You should... Have fun like that. With someone. It just can't be me. I'm sorry." Conner gives Gavin a half-smile, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder.

"When I offered you my shower I just meant... Because you were, you know, sweaty from... Working out. I didn't mean to lead you on. I'm sorry."

"Oh," Gavin says, his cheeks flushing darker. For some reason, he hadn't expected to be turned down, and he definitely hadn't expected the rejection to sting as bad as it did. On top of that, he's horribly embarrassed, and is now mostly naked in front of someone who apparently had no interest in him whatsoever.

"Oh...God, I'm sorry," he says, pulling his towel around himself, "I thought..." He can feel himself spiralling, re-evaluating his entire relationship with Conner, wondering if Conner even liked him, or if that was just another thing he'd misinterpreted. Conner's suggestion that he find someone else hurts worse, because he couldn't think of anyone else he liked as much as he liked Conner, anyone whose company he enjoyed as much, or anyone he would have trusted enough to sleep with. And now, he was wondering if any of these things he felt were returned, or if their friendship was as totally one-sided as he now feared it was.

He picks his clothes up off the floor and heads back into the bathroom quickly, throwing them back on as fast as he could and heading for the door. He doesn't bother putting his shoes back on, picking them up and carrying them with him instead.

"I'll...see you later," he says, hesitating in the doorway a moment without turning around, "I'm sorry." He closes the door behind him and runs through the halls back to his suite, so nauseous with shame that he felt like he was going to be sick.

Conner watched Gavin's expression crumble with mounting horror and guilt. He'd had no idea Gavin would be so wounded by his refusal, and Conner regrets it as soon as he says it. It's better that this happens now, though, while their friendship is still salvageable, rather than everything crumbling down in a disastrous heap after a couple nights of what would undoubtedly be fantastic sex.

Conner wants to reach out to Gavin, wants to reassure him that he cares, but he knows that if he tries right now he'll just end up pulling Gavin close and kissing him silly. So he just sits there and watches Gavin leave, and the irony about the way this moment mirrors the one five years ago isn't lost on Conner.

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