who_is_she | (no subject)

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It had been several months since he and Roddie had kissed, and honestly? Tony had never been happier. Going into it Tony had barely considered it more than a fling, but Roddie was sweet and affectionate and supportive and Tony had quickly become enamored with him. He'd mentioned his parent's desires for his future once and then decided to stop thinking about it, because the idea of leaving Roddie for a loveless marriage solely to please his parents was too upsetting. The truth was, he'd started questioning the whole arrangement, and wondering if he could leave all of the responsibilities he'd never really cared about for something he did care about. He'd started to realize (with Roddie's help) that his parents perhaps weren't as warm and considerate as he'd always assumed.

He'd been putting off thinking about the problem until he'd received a letter from his mother asking him to return to their house briefly. He hadn't told Roddie the whole truth about the letter he'd received; merely said that he had to go back home for a few days and would be returning. It wasn't until he got to the house that he realized the amiable letter had been a ruse and Tony's mother had delayed his return and even sprung a fiance on him. He'd intended to tell his family that he wasn't interested in marriage now, and he wasn't interested in being set up with a fiance.

Instead, he'd been worn down by his mother's judgemental passive aggression and hadn't been able to leave for nearly two weeks. It wasn't until his mother mentioned she'd sent a letter to his prior assignment, telling them he wouldn't be returning because of his new marriage that he summoned the courage to tell his family the truth; he wasn't interested in getting married because he was happier away from his parents with someone he really cared about.

He'd ended up storming out without his things (aside from his pistol and shield) and having to hitchhike up to the last place Roddie's ship had been parked. He hadn't been able to get up to where Roddie's ship was hovering, so he'd been reduced to finding some small pebbles and tossing them up at the windows of Roddie's ship.

"Roddie! Get your ass down here and pick me up!" Tony shouts, overwhelmed by the rollercoaster of the last couple of weeks and right now he just wanted to see Roddie again.

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Roddie was devastated; he'd been happier in his relationship with Tony than he had been in a long time, and had been on the edge of telling him he loved him right up until he'd left. He'd spent the weeks since receiving the letter in and out of a drunken stupor, with his friends dropping into his quarters frequently to monitor him and look after him. They offered their sympathies in the form of calling Tony a jerk, and assuring Roddie that he deserved better than him, but no matter how hard he tried to let their attempts to console him work, he couldn't take any comfort in their presence or their words.

He couldn't even be angry at Tony, not really, despite the long strings of profanity he had spewed about him to anyone who would listen recently. He just wanted him to come back, and as he sits on the edge of his bed, downing the remainder of a bottle of norn whiskey Boscha had brought him and his brain gets even fuzzier, he feels that if he did come back he wouldn't even have it in him to chew him out for leaving. It's at that very moment that he hears something tap against the glass of his window, followed by several more taps. He sits up slowly, his head swimming, and stumbles over to peek out the window groggily.

He's too out of his wits to react properly to seeing Tony standing there on the ground below him, and he rubs his eyes and blinks several times before tripping his way out into the hall.

"Zakeef? Boscha? Vira" he shouts, slurring his speech, "I got...I gotta tell you something, it's really good news, where are you guys?"

"Oh, Roddie!" Vira says in surprise, rushing to his side and making sure he doesn't stumble, "We're here, we were just starting a game of Blackjack, are you all right? Do you need to sit down? Yes, you need to sit down, honey, come sit down."

The other two are seated at a round table in Vira's quarters, and they look on in concern as she attempts to help Roddie onto the bed.

"No, no, it's really important," Roddie sputters, shaking his head and swatting her hand away, "It's great, Tony came back! He's down there, on the ground, I saw him, so we just have to let him back up here. On the boat. Isn't that great?"

He smiles up at them, his eyes completely out of focus, and then steadies himself on the table. The others share a bleak look, and Zakeef groans loudly and rubs the bridge of his snout.

"Oh, sweetie," Vira says, placing a hand on his arm as the other two look away, "I really don't...I'm just not sure you're thinking straight right now, maybe you should lie down for a while, drink some water, and --"

"No!" Roddie says, slamming his hand down on the table and making the others jump in surprise, "Torple's down there, go look, you'll see. He's down there. That's not his name, and I don't remember what his name is right now, but he is, go look."

Vira lets out a resigned sigh, and walks over to one of the windows to look out. Her eyes immediately grow wide, and she covers her mouth in surprise.

"By the -- he is down there!" she says, whirling her head around to the others, who stand up quickly to go and look out the window for themselves.

"That little rat!" Boscha shouts disbelievingly, before running up to the deck to lower the ladder. Vira follows. Zakeef defiantly and angrily returns to his chair, but when he sees Roddie stumbling drunkenly behind the others, he lets out a sigh, and helps him onto the deck with an arm around his shoulders. Boscha tosses the ladder over the side, throwing it overarm in an unsuccessful attempt to hit Tony in the head.

"I'm gonna smash his face in as soon as he puts one toe of his stupid fancy boots on the deck," she mutters in Zakeef's ear, quiet enough that Roddie won't hear.

"And I am not going to stop you," Zakeef grumbles.

Tony squawks and startles out of the way when the ladder swings towards him, his eyes widening when a murderous-looking Boscha starts descending the ladder. He'd almost forgotten that there were people other than Roddie on the ship, and those people might be upset about his mother sending a letter saying he was never coming back. He backs up, holding up his hands up in a placating gesture.

"Oh, um, hey guys," he says quietly, swallowing, his eyes going to Roddie when he appears behind Vira and Boscha. He bites his lip, wanting to rush forward and hug Roddie as tightly as he wanted to, "I just... That... That letter you got, it wasn't... True. It was a lie that my... mother sent. I'm, um, I'm not married?" he says, his voice getting quieter and more high-pitched as he speaks, ending as an unsure question.

Boscha's expression softens slightly as Tony speaks, and after looking over at Roddie, who was still pathetically drunk but now with a stupid smile on his face for the first time in weeks, she rolls her eyes before turning around to head back onto the ship.

"Whatever," she mumbles, starting back up the ladder, "I don't even want to know." Vira, after several moments of bouncing on the balls of her feet uncomfortably she pats Roddie on the shoulder and follows Boscha up onto the ship. Roddie pushes himself off of Zakeef, who continues glaring at Tony as Roddie stumbles forward into Tony's arms.

"Tony," he says, with something between a hiccup and a burp as he leans on him heavily, still with a stupid drunken smile on his face, "I knew you'd come back. Well, no I didn't really. At all. Full disclosure, I'm a little drunk right now. Really drunk probably. I'm not--"

He trails off, the smile on his face fading as his vision starts to go dark, and he pulls back, blinking slowly as he tries unsuccessfully to find his footing before falling over and emptying the contents of his stomach onto Tony's shoes before passing out on the ground.

"Oh, Lord," Zakeef groans, his expression more pained than genuinely annoyed. He steps forward, lifting Roddie easily in his arms and carrying him over his shoulder before turning a colder expression on Tony.

"You did this, by the way," he says, turning around and heading up the ladder, "I know you've got some kind of personal issues with your...human family or something, but if you're coming back on this ship, you better have your priorities straight this time."

Tony breaths a laugh into Roddie's hair when he gets hugged, only for that expression to turn into a concerned and disgusted frown when Roddie vomits on him. His frown turns a little terrified at Zakeef's warning as well, and he stammers out an affirmative as he stumbles into the ship behind Zakeef, rushing into the nearest bathroom.

Zakeef handles cleaning up Roddie and getting him into bed while Tony's in the bathroom, and Tony can only make an awkward attempt at an apology to Zakeef, who just rolls his eyes and leaves. Tony ends up having to borrow some of Roddie's pants because his are covered in vomit, and then he has to sit next to a blacked out Roddie and nervously jiggle his knee, waiting for Roddie to wake up and going over and over what he's going to say in his head.

Roddie sleeps for a long while, and when he does wake up he's groggy and only slightly less drunk than before. He's forgotten all about Tony's sudden return, so when he opens his eyes and rolls over to find him sitting next to his bed it gives him a jolt, and he sits upright quickly, hitting his head on the ceiling above his bed.

"Ow -- what the hell," he says, rubbing his head as he stares at Tony, "Tony? What are you doing here, who let you in here, am I still -- I'm asleep."

He slaps himself across the face with the hand he'd been using to rub the throbbing spot on his head, but he doesn't wake up, and Tony's still standing in front of him. He sits up, but it makes his stomach churn, and he has to lie back down quickly.

"You left!" he says loudly, reaching across his chest to point an accusatory finger at Tony, "You just ran off to get married to some rich girl like you said you were going to, you didn't even say goodbye, didn't even give me the courtesy of breaking up with me, and now you're back? God, I should be so mad at you, I should -- slap you or something, I should at least want to slap you."

Tony jumps up when Roddie wakes up, halfway reaching out to him and stopping when Roddie turns on him and starts yelling. Tony blinks after Roddie's outburst, and then his face turns crimson with anger and overwhelming emotion.

"I didn't want any of that to happen! It wasn't my idea!" he bursts out, throwing his hands up in the air, "My mother sent me a message saying I only needed to leave for a couple of days and then she wouldn't let me leave and she wanted me to get married! And I-- I couldn't leave without her like, saying... Things, so I just stuck around being miserable and then I found out she sent you guys that letter-- which I didn't have anything to do with, by the way! And I hadn't even agreed to the marriage and then-- And then I told her I didn't want to get married and I was happier away from all of that... That garbage and then I... ran away." Tony's voice gets less impassioned and quieter as he talks, and when he finishes he sags and sighs, swallowing thickly and pushing his hands through his hair, "Oh, Dwayna, I just... Ran away."

Roddie crosses his arms as Tony speaks, and he feels a pang of sympathy as his expression begins to soften. He crosses his arms and bites down hard on his cheek as he stares up at the ceiling, before his brow furrows again, and he turns his head to look at him.

"You could have written me or something. Anything other than what you did. I mean, I'm...sorry, that's...awful, what you dealt with, but...seriously? Nothing? I'm still -- nothing, for two weeks, and now you're only here because of some snap impulse decision you made in a moment of anger? I mean, if you hadn't found out about the letter were you just -- going to stay and do it? I thought me and you, we --"

He shakes his head, struggling to keep his voice from breaking as he presses his tongue hard against the inside of his cheek, and rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand as he starts to feel the sting of tears beginning to form.

Tony winces at Roddie's words, swallowing back the guilt at the heartbreaking look on Roddie's face.

"I didn't... I was focused on other things, I..." Tony winces again and shakes his head, hating how weak his excuses sound in his own ears, "I'm sorry, you're right, I should have... Sent something. I wasn't thinking. It's... hard, being there." He trails off, looking away, losing his train of thought in the memory of his family home.

"I wouldn't have done it. I've been... Sure, for a while now, that I don't want that. Even if I'm not... With... Someone else, I don't want to live like that," he says quietly, not wanting to assume anything about what Roddie wanted from him from here on, "Gods, Roddie, I'm so sorry, I... Maybe I should just go, or just... I'll go let Zakeef beat the tar out of me like he desperately wants to."

"No," Roddie says quickly, shaking his head and sitting up too fast again and upsetting his stomach. He lies back down on his side, clutching his stomach and gritting his teeth as he fights down the urge to vomit again.

"No, please, don't go," he says, a tear leaking out of his tightly shut eyes as he reaches over and clutches Tony's shoulder, "That's the last thing I want, I want you here. I...I understand why you did what you did, your family sucks, they mess with your head and you don't...think straight when they're messing with you. It's okay, I mean, it's not, and I'm still really upset, but it also is, because I...get it. And if you let Zakeef beat you up, he'll probably just kill you, and that would...suck, because I loo...ooo...oooooooooo...ove. You. I...was going to back out of that but...I couldn't think of another word."

He feels himself blushing, and he cracks one teary eye open to look at Tony.

"And now my face is burning. And my insides are burning at the same time. I might be dying."

Tony's eyes go wide and he flushes crimson, laughing a little deliriously at Roddie's words. He swallows and reaches out, hesitantly brushing a tear from Roddie's cheek.

"You can't die, all right? I have some water here," he says, reaching over to a nearby table where he'd placed a pitcher of water and a glass. He pours out a glass and then hands it over, helping Roddie drink it and reaching out to steady a hand on the back of his neck. After he drinks it Tony realizes how close he is and bites his lip, his heart aching at the tears still in Roddie's eyes.

"I'm... so sorry. And... For the record, I... do too. That thing you said," he blushes again and can't look Roddie in the eyes, "And I feel like you probably deserve better than someone who would abandon you to go get married to someone else," he says, trying for a joke but his tone falls flat.

Roddie sniffles, and wipes his eye with his thumb as he leans into the hand Tony has on his neck.

"It's a good thing you wouldn't do that then, huh?" he laughs, cracking a slight, bleary smile as he starts to let himself relax. He slides over on the bed and pats the spot next to him on his bunk before lying back down on his side and letting his eyes close again.

"Sorry, I wish I wasn't...super drunk for this, but...do you want to talk?" he asks, "About what happened and...all that, and like...I dunno, about...me and you, if you want."

Tony hesitates before climbing into bed with Roddie, desperate for the contact and the intimacy even as the guilt was still eating away at him. He wraps his arms tightly around Roddie, burying his face in Roddie's chest and sighing, starting to relax for the first time in several weeks.

"I'm sorry," he says, his voice muffled against Roddie's shirt and shaking a little, "We... Don't have to do this now. I... I missed you so much." He rubs his face against Roddie, taking a few deep breaths to stave off getting choked up.

"I missed you too," Roddie mumbles quietly against the top of Tony's head, and the feeling of Tony's arms around him finally starts to bring him a sense of relief. He ruffles Tony's hair affectionately, and plants several kisses on his forehead as the despair in the pit of his stomach begins to fade, replaced by an affectionate swelling in his chest. His hands tremble slightly as he slides them up and down over Tony's back, and he pulls back to look in his eyes.

"So much, Tony, I was so --" he bites his lip, shaking his head before hugging him close to his chest again, "It's all right, for real, I'm not -- we can talk about it."

Tony whines a little in the back of his throat at Roddie's kisses, overwhelmed by his affection.

"I'm sorry," he says again, leaning back to look at Roddie, "I... I've been happier here with you and your crew than I've... Ever been. It's, uh, mostly you actually." He looks away then, biting his lip and blushing again.

Roddie holds Tony's face in his hands, stroking over his cheeks with his thumbs. He chews the inside of his cheek at Tony's words, and he can't resist leaning in to hug him close again.

"That's...that's really, uh, good to hear," Roddie laughs breathlessly, getting a little choked up as he speaks, "I haven't been able to tell with you for a while, and it's...it's really good to hear you say that."

He pulls back again, still holding Tony's face in his hands, his nose brushing up against Tony's as he looks at him.

"I feel the same, and...God, I've been making myself sick missing you," he half chokes, "Please don't ever go like that again, I can't take it."

"Yeah," Tony agrees, nodding slightly and swallowing thickly, "I know... I know how you feel. I don't want to be anywhere else." He takes a deep, shaking breath, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against Roddie's.

"I just... Gods, I really need to kiss you right now," he says, and then tilts his head to press his lips against Roddie's.

Roddie hums in surprise, but returns the kiss enthusiastically, locking his fingers together behind Tony's neck. He tilts his head to kiss him more deeply, and when they break apart he's breathing a little heavily.

"Yeah, I, uh...needed that," he laughs, sniffling, "Actually, I...could go for some more. Of that."

He pulls Tony's face close, and locks lips with him again. His kisses are sloppy, and still obviously drunk, but they're earnest and desperate, and he's hugging him as close as he can.

Tony makes a pleased noise into the kiss, nodding a little, and kisses him back deeply, his hands fisting in the back of Roddie's shirt. He doesn't pull away for a long time, and when he does he groans and presses his face against Roddie's.

"I've spent the last two weeks listening to my mother make snide comments about my hair and my clothes and my life and I just... I'm so glad to be here with you and I..." he pauses and swallows, closes his eyes and steels his nerves, "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Tony," Roddie breathes shakily, pecking him several times on the lips and brushing the hair out of his face, "So much, like...just so much, I'm so --"

He doesnt finish the thought, pressing a long, closed mouth kiss against his lips before pulling back and touching his forehead against Tony's.

"Your hair and your clothes are...great, and nice, by the way," he laughs, wetting his lips and swallowing, "And she's wrong."

Tony chuckles, shaking his head a little and burying his hand in Roddie's hair.

"Thank you," he says, smiling, kissing the side of Roddie's face, "I'm glad I have your endorsement." He runs his hand up and down the back of Roddie's neck, "I wished you were there every moment. I don't... I don't want to leave here again." He kisses Roddie again, more deeply, sighing as he licks into Roddie's mouth.

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