who_is_she | can a corporate sellout roll a joint like this?

can a corporate sellout roll a joint like this?

The letter was a mixed bag of emotions for Graham.

It started with Congratulations, you've been accepted and that was the good part, the bad part was where he'd actually been accepted into. It was a mediocre college back on Earth, but his only chance at getting a better job than working the shipyards like his mom had. The freedom and relief of having money was the main reason Graham hadn't given up on high school two years ago, because he only knew one thing about his future: he wanted to make it. He wanted to be free, wanted to stop worrying about bills and paychecks.

But that freedom would mean leaving the Korzan station he'd been living on for the last six years. It had been more of a home than any other place he'd lived, mostly because of the presence of the person he'd come to think of as his best friend. Vhan.

Vhan had been the only Korzan on a station full of Korzans who had been willing to talk to the weird Human guy, willing to be his friend, and stay his friend.

The acceptance letter started to quiver in his hands so Graham folded it, turning it over in him hands and trying to rehearse what he'd say when Vhan got here. He'd left him a message to meet at their favorite restaurant on the station, the place they'd met up countless times over the last six years, sometimes pooling their money to buy a snack and sometimes just loitering until the waitress got annoyed and kicked them out. But now Graham sat at a table and wondered if this was the last time they'd sit here together, after he told Vhan that he was going back to Earth to stay with his grandmother until he had to start school in the fall.

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Vhan had no reason to suspect anything was amiss as he jogged across the intersection and headed down the busy street towards the diner; Graham asked him to meet here all the time, after all, and as far as he knew this would be just another evening spent loitering and goofing off together. And yet, there was something in Graham's voice in the message he had left for him, the way he had said he wanted to "talk," that had planted a seed of apprehension inside Vhan, and it was enough to make him dive into his pocket for the pack of cigarettes (which he picked up frequently at the convenience stores scattered around the human cities) and light one up. He sucks it down quickly, dropping the butt on the ground just outside the restaurant and stomping it out with the heel of his shoe. His anxiety heightens as he enters the building, bells tinkling overhead to announce his presence as he pushes his way through the door.

He spotted Graham quickly, seated at their usual booth against the wall, He slides into the spot across from him, shooting him a smile in spite of his nerves and flicking the switch on the translator in his earpiece.

"Hey," he says, in the most upbeat voice he can muster, "everything alright?"

Graham startles a little when Vhan slides into the booth, creasing the letter in his hands and then straightening it. Vhan's smile is a little disarming and Graham frowns, laying the folded up letter flat on the table and smoothing his hands over it.

"I, um," he starts, stuttering and looking down at the table, unable to meet Vhan's eyes, "A while back I, uh, I applied to a school back on Earth. I just, um, I heard back today..." he trails off, losing his nerve just as he gets to the part where he should actually tell Vhan what's going on. He closes his mouth and his expression turns pained. He didn't expect this would be so difficult, but then, when he'd applied to the school he hadn't really anticipated the part where he'd actually have to leave. The words stick in his throat and he stares down at the table, at the letter that starts with Congratulations but feels a hell of a lot like a disappointment now.

Edited 2015-02-10 00:59 (UTC)

Vhan feels his heart sink into the pit of his stomach, even as he forces the encouraging smile on his face to widen as he reads the English word "Congratulations" at the top of the page.

"Yeah, you told me about that when you were applying! You got in, huh?" he says, reaching across the table to clap him on the shoulder. "All right! Damn, way to go, man! I'm so happy for you!" His voice is strained, and he's finding it hard to meet Graham's eyes, but his words are earnest. He doesn't remove his hand from Graham's shoulder immediately, letting it rest there, squeezing lightly as he looks at the paper between them rather than at his friend's face.

"We should like, celebrate, or something. You want to get something to drink? I'll buy for you."

Graham looks up, his expression still pained as he finally looks at Vhan. Vhan's smile looks fake, and Graham doesn't feel like celebrating.

"No, no, I don't want anything like that. I mean, it's..." Graham trails off, shrugging and gesturing vaguely, "It sucks!" He leans back in the booth, carding both hands through his hair in an agitated gesture.

"It just sucks, because I wanted to go I just... Didn't think about leaving," he pulls his hands out of his hand and rubs his face instead, "Sorry. That doesn't make any sense. Just..." He looks over at Vhan, a little wary and a little weary.

"I'll miss you, man."

Vhan's forced smile fades at the expression on his face, and he leans across the table on his elbows, still keeping his hand planted firmly on Graham's shoulder.

"Hey, I'll miss you too," he says, still trying to keep his voice from sounding too pained, "But this is gonna be great for you, I know it. College, wow, that's a pretty big deal for you guys, right? And you're pretty much a genius already, so you're really gonna get even...more geniuser...or whatever, you...know you can call me any time, right?"

The last question is more pleading than anything else, but he doesn't get to hear his answer before the human waitress walks up to take their order. He gets a basket of fries to split between them - one of his favorite imports from earth - and a beer - which he wasn't particularly fond of, but the diner didn't serve Korzan drinks - for each of them.

Edited 2015-02-10 05:36 (UTC)

Graham smiles a little at Vhan's encouragement, opening his mouth to reply but closing it and looking away when the waitress interrupts them.

"I know I can call, but..." Graham starts once the waitress has gone with their order, "I'll be half a galaxy away. And I... My grandma wants me to move in with her. I leave in a week. I don't know when I'll be coming back." He looks away, his fingers fiddling with the corner of the letter, curling it up on itself.

"Hell, maybe I'll flunk out and be back in a week," he says, trying for humor but his tone falls flat.

Vhan laughs halfheartedly before shaking his head and sliding back in his seat.

"No way man," he says firmly, "You're gonna do great. You're probably the smartest guy I know." He tries to sound happy about it, but selfishly thinks the the idea of Graham flunking out and coming back to him sounds much better than the alternative.

When the waitress brings them their fries, Vhan digs in hungrily, stuffing his mouth to provide an excuse for him to stay relatively silent. He doesn't know what else to say, and he's afraid if the conversation continues in this direction he's likely to start crying.

"You know I'll--" he says, abruptly, after swallowing a mouthful much too large for him, "I mean, I'll be here." His eyes are fixed on Graham's hands, resting on the table across from his, and he grapples silently with the urge to reach out and take them into his own. His heart beats a little faster at the thought; he had been turning the idea of confessing to him over in his head for weeks, now, since they'd finished school, knowing Graham might have to leave soon. The possibility of him actually going hadn't felt real - it almost didn't feel real now - and Vhan knew that if he was going to do it, however ill-advised it might be to confess to someone he might not see for several years, he had to do it now.

"There's actually...something I wanted you to know, too, I guess," he says, "I mean, sort of. Maybe. I don't know. Do you want to, uh, step outside for a second? It's kind of hot in here."

"Outside?" Graham says, blinking in surprise and then gesturing to the food on the table, "But we just got our food!" Graham gives Vhan a bewildered smile, unsure how discussing Graham's future could lead to needing to talk privately.

"I'm not hot. Are you sick or something?" he asked, leaning across the table to feel Vhan's forehead for a fever.

Vhan gently slaps his hand away from his forehead instinctively, before fishing into his pocket for another cigrette and biting it between his sharklike teeth.

"No, man, I'm not sick," he says somewhat irritably, before flicking a second cigarette across the table to Graham and sliding out of his seat.

"I gotta smoke, that's all. We can come back after, i just want to say...some things, all right? Just...stuff."

Edited 2015-02-10 06:57 (UTC)

"Uh, okay," Graham says, shrugging and picking up the spare cigarette. He wasn't gonna turn down a free smoke.

He followed Vhan outside and around the building to a secluded spot, and waited for Vhan to light his cigarette before leaning in close to light his on the same flame. He leans back against the wall next to Vhan, taking a long drag and watching the smoke drift away.

"So, uh, what's up?"

Vhan stands in front of him, arms folded, and blows his own smoke down and away from Graham's face.

"Look, I, uh-" he starts, his voice wavering a little as he looks down at the ground. "I just, uh, I want you to know that I'm...I'm here for you, always, wherever you go and whatever you do, and uh...well, you know, I care about you, and--"

He trails off into a few untranslateable swears as he flicks the ashes off the end of his cigarette, and he can feel his face growing hot. He runs a hand back through his hair and lets out a low groan of frustration. This was stupid, and he was terrible with words.

"You just...I want you to know you mean a lot to me. Like..." he laughs, a little breathlessly, as he turns his head up to look into his eyes, "...a lot."

He bites his lip in anticipation, studying his expression, hoping he would take his meaning, but also dreading his reaction.

Graham smokes quietly while Vhan struggles with his words,not quite sure what to think about it other than be touched by Vhan's concern. But why he needed to come all the way out here to say that, Graham couldn't figure out.

It was the look in Vhan's eyes that made him pause, finally, and reconsider. Vhan looked nervous, and wary, ad a tiny bit hopeful, and the cigarette hangs dangerously from Graham's lips when his mouth falls open in surprise. It's Vhan's eyes that convince him of the extra meaning in his words, as open and inviting as they are.

Of all the outcomes of Graham telling Vhan he was leaving, this was one Graham wouldn't have bet on.

"You... You..." Graham tries, stunned at the realization of Vhan's feelings, ad there's only one big question rattling around in his head, "But why?"

Vhan shrinks backwards a little at his reaction and presses his palm against his forehead, shutting his eyes tight.

"What the hell do you mean, 'Why?'" he mumbles at the ground, "I mean...why wouldn't I? You're great, alright? I don't know..."

He could go on about how much he admires him and his ambition, how lucky he feels to know him, how much good his friendship has done for him over the years, but he can't bring himself to gush any more than he already has.

"I figured this was the only chance I'd ever get to...say anything. So there you go."

Edited 2015-02-10 08:32 (UTC)

Graham reaches up to grab his cigarette before it falls out of his mouth, taking a fortifying drag while he tries to collect himself.

Honestly, he'd never thought about Vhan romantically, but then, he knew he wasn't the most introspective of people. He thought about how his first reaction to the acceptance letter had been sadness over leaving Vhan, and how Vhan was the only person in the world he actually wanted to tell about his acceptance in the first place.

"Vhan, I--" he starts and then stops, taking a last drag on his cigarette and then stubbing it out under his toe, and using the movement to step closer to Vhan, "I care about you too." He scrubbed a hand through his hair and took another step closer, "Can I try something?" he asked, licking his lips subconsciously and glancing down at Vhan's mouth.

Vhan feels himself grow warm as Graham takes a step towards him, and for a minute he feels like his legs are going to give out from under him.

"Y-yeah, absolutely," he says, wetting his own lips involuntarily in response and clearing his throat. His unfinished cigarette falls out of his hand onto the concrete.

Graham steps on the end of Vhan's cigarette as he steps closer, right into Vhan's space, moving slowly and carefully. He moves on instinct and without thinking about it any deeper than he thinks he might like the taste of Vhan's mouth.

He reaches up with one hand to cup Vhan's cheek, his fingers running over the ridges there before he leans in to kiss him.

Vhan stands there for a moment, stunned, before letting his eyes fall shut and leaning into the kiss as his heart thuds against his ribcage. He wraps his skinny arms tight around Graham's shoulders and kisses him determinantly, his mind racing, but feeling a sense of relief at the notion that his feelings were, apparently, returned.

Graham's hands leave Vhan's face and curl around his waist instead, leaning into him and opening his mouth over Vhan's. This is surprisingly easy and surprisingly good; Vhan's mouth is soft and eager and surprisingly intense. This feels more intimate than anything hes done before, even though he's done a lot more than kiss some casual acquaintances he's met at bars on the weekend.

His hands curl tightly into the fabric at Vhan's hips, pulling him close and pressing their bodies flush together. He can't hear anything over the pounding of blood in his own ears and can't think over the feel of his tongue sliding over Vhan's lips.

Vhan opens his mouth eagerly to his own tongue against Graham's when he feels Graham's tongue on his lips. For a second, he stops worrying about what this might mean for their futures, what they were going to have to go through when he left to go back home; he doesn't think about anything but the feeling of Graham's body against his own. He lets out a quiet sound into Graham's mouth as he holds him as close as he can.

Graham hears Vhan's noise like a shiver down his spine and echoes it in a lower, more gutteral tone. He never would have expected Vhan to be like this or want him like this, and right now all Graham wants is more .

He pulls back to breathe for a moment, his mouth sliding over Vhan's jaw as he gasps and swears softly in Korzan.

"Wow," he says, his voice hoarse, "You've been holding out on me." He feels giddy and dizzy, probably because most of his blood is rushing southward rather than stick around in his brain.

Vhan laughs a little breathlessly, turning his head down to rest his forehead on Graham's shoulder and leaving his eyes closed as he tries to regain his composure.

"Yeah, well," he says, wiping the corner of his mouth with his thumb, "If I'd known you would react like THAT maybe I would have done it before you had to--"

He shakes his head after a pause, as if he could shake the thought out of his mind.

"So...what now?"

Edited 2015-02-10 17:20 (UTC)

"Well, I think we should--," Graham starts, a wanton suggestion on the tip of his tongue and a smirk on his face that freezes when reality descends and strikes Graham like a lightning bolt. He stiffens, his eyes going wide as he finally realizes the situation he's in beyond being able to kiss Vhan. Vhan likes him, as in kissing and holding hands and going on dates--the kind of like Graham had never faced and doesn't know what to do with. He pictures his mother's face, his grandmother's face, their strict and unforgiving frowns. He imagines introducing Vhan as his datefriend, imagines how little people on Earth would care about the fluid gender standards on Korza and how he'd be gay to everyone there.

Graham wasn't gay--at least not in any way he would admit to outside of dark club bathrooms.

He slowly extracts himself from Vhan's arms without ever finishing his sentence. His expression is closed off and guarded as he backs off and turns away.

"Now? Nothing. I mean... I have to go no matter what, right?" He shrugs, scrubbing one hand through his hair, "We should just forget this ever happened."

It takes a minute for Vhan to stop smiling; for a second, he doesnt realize what Graham is saying, and for another second, he thinks maybe he's joking. But the expression on his face is closed off and serious, and there's no humor in the tone of his voice.

Vhan lets out a short, strangled laugh and takes a step backwards.

"I...man, what?"

Edited 2015-02-10 22:07 (UTC)

Graham can't bring himself to look at Vhan, his mouth is still wet and tingling with the lingering, remembered sensations. He wipes his mouth quickly.

"I just... I can't, okay? I'm not... I'm not like that, and even if I was I'd just fuck it up, right? So... Sorry." He shrugs like it's no big deal, like he's apologizing for eating all of Vhan's fries or something.

Even as he says the words he knows it's bullshit, except maybe the fucking it up part. That he knows he would do.

"Just... Sorry."

Vhan looks at him for a long while, bewildered and deeply hurt, before turning away and rubbing the back of his neck. He doesn't understand, not even a little, but he can't bring himself to press the issue.

"Right," he says finally, softly, since he's afraid if he speaks any louder his voice might break. "Well, I mean, whatever I guess." He kicks at the sprigs of greenery growing up between the cracks in the pavement and sighs.

"Listen, I just remembered I've got a, uh...some shit to do, you can finish my fries," he mumbles. He hates to leave in such a hurry, on what might be one of his last days to spend with Graham, but after being so thoroughly rejected he doesn't see much of an alternative.

"Good luck with your life," he says, more sardonically than he means to. He waves over his shoulder without turning to face him as he walks away. "Hope its, like, up to your standards, I guess."

Edited 2015-02-11 03:02 (UTC)

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can a corporate sellout roll a joint like this?

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take me to frog church

ill worship like a frog at the shrine of your church

ill be a big frog and you can be a big church

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Re: ill be a big frog and you can be a big church

Re: ill be a big frog and you can be a big church

Re: ill be a big frog and you can be a big church

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Re: ill be a big frog and you can be a big church

Re: ill be a big frog and you can be a big church

Re: ill be a big frog and you can be a big church

Re: ill be a big frog and you can be a big church